Why Ohio?
I don't know what we were thinking.
Let me share with you the joy of living in Ohio. The ground is covered in ice so when you walk, you're as likely to fall on your ass as not, the people here get up early and work hard and honestly believe that's a great thing to do, and there's no sun.
Seriously, the sun has not been out since November 28, it was a Monday, and it was a very long time ago.
In the summer, I was intoxicated with the life that blooms out of the soggy earth here. I referred to the place as the "cunt of god" (and I meant it as a compliment) but now that god has gone south and we're left sucking the icy tit of winter.
We moved here thinking it would be a nice stop on the road, and it is nice in the summer, but when you have to work like these misguided souls think you should, (what, are they all Calvanists?) you never get to enjoy much.
Today, a well-meaning midwesterner explained to me how they have hispanic-speaking tellers at their bank. I know I can't count the times I wished I knew how to speak hispanic.
I'd rather move back to the land of manana than spend another winter skidding around this city in a suit and tie. Somewhere with water and beaches and a lot fewer churches.
Maybe I'll open a bank.
Yo Hablo Hispanicese.
Let me share with you the joy of living in Ohio. The ground is covered in ice so when you walk, you're as likely to fall on your ass as not, the people here get up early and work hard and honestly believe that's a great thing to do, and there's no sun.
Seriously, the sun has not been out since November 28, it was a Monday, and it was a very long time ago.
In the summer, I was intoxicated with the life that blooms out of the soggy earth here. I referred to the place as the "cunt of god" (and I meant it as a compliment) but now that god has gone south and we're left sucking the icy tit of winter.
We moved here thinking it would be a nice stop on the road, and it is nice in the summer, but when you have to work like these misguided souls think you should, (what, are they all Calvanists?) you never get to enjoy much.
Today, a well-meaning midwesterner explained to me how they have hispanic-speaking tellers at their bank. I know I can't count the times I wished I knew how to speak hispanic.
I'd rather move back to the land of manana than spend another winter skidding around this city in a suit and tie. Somewhere with water and beaches and a lot fewer churches.
Maybe I'll open a bank.
Yo Hablo Hispanicese.
posted by JC at 3:56 AM
2 Comments:
Corpus Christi, the land of realitivly mild winters, summers that could par-boil the brain, and beaches that are the envy of toxic waste dumps. Seriously, Corpus is not to bad, y yo hablo Espanol. Come down for a Margarita sometime.
I lived in Fairborn for about six months (only 2 of which included sun) so I know Ohio can be like God's cunt and during winter it has a yeast infection. Top that with a population with an average IQ of 3.5 and you have Fairborn. Columbus isn't as low on the IQ scale but God's cunt definatly has a yeast infection in winter there.
Only in Ohio do you get sick on a regular basis. It's something about the weather or the people. While the weather does suck, I'm going with the people. Damn Midwesterners.
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