The case against cremation

I know a couple, they recently divorced. The husband, we’ll call him “Jim,” left behind some of his possessions when he moved out, among these items was an urn containing the ashes of his grandmother.

Can you guess where this is going?

This couple were ill-starred from the get-go, and when they broke up it was with great lamentation and gnashing of teeth.

The wife, we’ll call her “Betty,” realizing she had Jim’s granny in her closet, made an effort to contact Jim, calling on the phone, sending letters, speaking with his family, saying “I have a lot of your things, some of them I am sure you’d want, so please get in contact with me.”

Jim responded with a very formal letter saying, “Whatever you have of mine you can keep it or throw it away, I don’t care, and if you keep trying to contact me, I’m sending the police after you (again)”

Well, after that, you can guess how Betty felt…

Granny got flushed.

Like a dead goldfish

or an unwanted alligator-

Yes, her remains are now intermixed with other, less beloved remains, every bit as mortal, but Greenlawn Cemetery it ain't.

Neither of them ever reads JCreadsthenews, and if they ever do, well Jim, I've got some bad news for you.


And Betty-

Flushed?

Couldn’t you just leave her in the yard?

Perhaps you could have used her as an ashtray-